Friday, July 15, 2011

Dreaming of A

Last night Little A and I ate dinner (late) in the kitchen. She in her high chair, me in my chair. Making faces at one another. She would only eat if I fed her her chicken and then it got to the point that she wouldn't eat anything unless she fed me a piece at the same time I would feed her one. All this going on while Coldplay's song "Yellow" played on the iPod dock. I've come to associate that song with the feelings I have for Little A, most particularly the line, "for you I'd bleed myself dry." How true is that line of any mother who ever loved a daughter, or son.

Then I looked at that little face chomping on her chicken nuggets, second round of nuggets today, grinning at me, turning her head the same way I would. How lucky am I to have this little girl's love? A love so unconditionally that if I pretend to leave her behind she completely melts down. Yes, sometimes I want to pull my hair out if I've left the room to potty or put something away in another room and she can't see me and begins to cry out for me. But when that little person peaks at me around the corner, sees me, and steps back to play a quick game of "I see you! Now I don't!" how can a mommy be mad?

My dad told me once that parenthood is one of the most rewarding and hardest things you will ever do. It absolutely true! Example:
Reward: a grin and a tackling hug and maybe if you're lucky even a kiss!
Hard part: sticking that bubble butt in time out because she's doing something you've told her not to a hundred times and she cries the whole time.

Hard part: she doesn't need you anymore to fall asleep at night.
Reward: you've raised her well enough that she CAN do it herself.
I don't think I ever truly knew what love was until I've been grabbed and held onto as if I was the only life vest on a sinking boat. Or kissed through crib bars because she can't lay down otherwise. Or stepped in the shower to see little fingers curl around the shower door seconds later to wrench it open to peak at me because she can't wait 8 minutes for me to be done in there. I know once this time is gone it'll be gone forever, and I'm enjoying every, single, second.

Sorry, just feeling sentimental I guess! :-) I strongly urge you to check out "Yellow." It's a lovely song.

Until next time!

1 comment:

  1. Just beautiful. =) That's one of my favorite songs. I can relate to everything you said. There are days that I feel like a total failure as a mother, but they still seem to love me and people tell me I'm a good mom. We're our worst critics. =)


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