Tuesday, January 20, 2015

A Baby Story

How long has it been? Too long! My last blog post was back in February, so sorry about that! I was drifting back before I got pregnant and then all my energy went out the window, between early pregnancy and working a new job and wrangling the two A's in the evenings. Phew! Now there's three little ones! And fortunately, unfortunately, I'm once again a stay at home mommy. LOVING IT!! To ease curious minds, I'm about to tell you the birth story of my littlest love.

I could tell early on that this baby was going to be big. On more than one occasion strangers made comments about me being ready to pop (at 26 weeks), asked me if it were twins and finding out it was just one asked me if I was due soon, and twice asked if it was a boy because of the way I was carrying. Nope, all girl, just one.

My original due date was July 17th, but I had two episodes of bleeding, once in the first trimester and again at 34 weeks that landed me in preterm labor and an overnight hospital stay, so I was scheduled for induction on July 10th. My mom came over the night before to stay with Amelia and Alyssa since we were to be there at 7:15am. I got a call at 5:15am saying that they had no room for me and to call back at 9. I called back, still no room, call back at 12. Still no room, call back at 3. Then at 3:45 they called me and said to come in at 4:30 and they would have a room ready for me. Elliott shook his head and said there would be no way we could make it to the hospital in time, my mom had left for awhile and hadn't made it back yet and it was rush hour traffic to the hospital which is in the city. I told him we had been sitting on our hands all day so they could wait for us! We made it there at 5pm and still had to wait for my nurse to be ready. By the way, look what I made for each if my nurses.

Little coin purses! Each nurse got one with little goodies inside. They all really liked them and luckily I had made enough!

When we got into the room I was hooked up to the monitors. I was contracting pretty regularly and I could actually feel a lot of pressure already, as a matter of fact I contracted regularly throughout my whole pregnancy and these felt stronger but didn't feel quite real yet. I had one contraction that I swore to Elliott I thought my water would have broken with because there was so much pressure, but it didn't.

My nurse then set me up with my IV, but she blew out my vein.


My doctor came in and checked me, I was 2-3 cm and 50% effaced at 6:25pm and he broke my water and they started me on potocin at a 1. The contractions came rather quickly, but weren't too bad at first. Elliott and I joked around and watched tv. Not long after Elliott asked me when I get my epidural and I told him whenever I wanted. He suggested that I get it pretty quick and just like that the contractions picked up and I almost couldn't stand it, we called my nurse and she ordered the epidural for me. When the anesthesiologist came in and they sat me up I could feel her head, I almost told them to check me again because it felt like too much!

I was able to get the epidural though, through tears and contractions, Elliott supporting me the whole time by standing in front of me and letting me squeeze his arms. Once the epidural was in I was laid back and was checked for dilation again, I was a 7!! I almost missed my chance to get the epidural! If you don't know they won't let you get it passed 8 cm. My nurse rolled me over on my left side to get the epidural working and after a few minutes (the epidural hasn't taken full effect yet) I told my nurse, "this is going to sound stupid, but can you check me again?" Having had two kids already I knew the feeling I was having. It feels like she's trying to come out of my butt and the amount of pressure is unbelievable! She turned me to my back and checked me, she said there was only a little bit of cervix left but I would be ready in the next few contractions.

My doctor was called and my nurse set up the room, put my legs up and let me practice push a little. The epidural was enough to take the pain away but I could feel all the pressure and burning that accompanies the stretching, I never got to experience that with the other two, when I got epidurals with them I was completely numb and couldn't feel anything! When my doctor got in he commented on how she wasn't another red head, that she had dark hair, a lot of it. I laughed and said what are the odds! Elliott and I joked about having a dark headed baby since we're both lighter, though the older I get the darker my hair gets.

The nurses grabbed my legs and held them back for me, which I didn't care for I wished I could have held my own legs back, I would have felt more in control but I couldn't get my hands down enough to grab them because of the wires and things attached to my hands and arms. I started pushing, I could feel it all! It was awesome!! Her shoulders got stuck a little but through some harder pushes she was out in less than 5 minutes. I saw and felt her leave my body, she was humongous! All gray and slippery, but she wasn't making any noise. The nurses took her from the doctor and were rubbing her with blankets and towels getting her warm and clean, but still no noise. The doctor sort of forced Elliott to cut the cord, because he had refused to the last two times (blood makes him uneasy), but the doctor put the scissors in his hands and made him cut it! I loved that and my doctor for doing that, I think he might of regretted not doing it for his last baby, at least!

The NICU was called in because she still hadn't had a really good cry and I was so anxious because I thought something was really wrong and no one was really telling me anything. Later I asked Elliott what happened and he told me he really didn't understand it either because she was awake and alert, looking around at everyone. That made me feel better about it because no one told me she was fine besides not crying.

She made her grand entrance at 8:15pm, an hour and fifty minutes of labor! The nurses all joked that I would not have made it to the hospital had I went into labor on my own. I'm ok that I didn't labor on my own knowing that! She was 9 lbs even and 20 inches long, bruised face and all! Poor girl came down and out so fast that it bruised her face (looks like her hand too), she had some trouble with congestion and the spits because of it for a few days. The girls absolutely adore her and love to hold and kiss her. They have this unspoken game between them of who can kiss her the most before mom makes them stop.

Daddy is smitten with his new little girl, but she seems to be turning out to be a mommy's girl like Amelia, but that's ok because Alyssa is daddy's girl.

This was our first night at home without daddy. It was a sad night and we missed him dearly, but it was fun to be home with them by myself. Some nights are better than others though, from all the girls.

And I think she looks the most like me, sans the hair. And she's constantly milk drunk! We all adore her and its like she's always been here with us. My little family feels like its complete with my three girls and my bearded husband.
We all love our little Georgia Anne.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Let's Get Real about Feelings

Monday was the big day, the big appointment that every pregnant mother waits for to see if her intuition was right or very, very wrong. To see the best kept secret that anyone every kept. It was anatomy scan day. It was a very emotional day anyway, with some arguing between Elliott and I, mostly made up in my own head, and a busy day at work, because Mondays are always busy.

When I got home we had lunch and scurried to get ready, because let's face it we always run late for everything. We meant to leave at 1, maybe 1:10, but we pulled out of the driveway at 1:16. Not too bad! Then we were on our merry way. Amelia in the back asking for gum, Alyssa playing with her friends asking for a book I couldn't reach.

When we got there Alyssa and I went to the bathroom (yep! My not-yet-two year old is potty trained! She only wears diapers at night). Then the sono tech came to get us. I still held onto the belief that baby #3 was a little boy and when I didn't see the hamburger I got my hopes up very high and then I saw the tell tale girl sign and my hopes came down with a sudden crash. I couldn't stop the tears and I didn't because I knew I would feel worse later if I did. I let go, just let myself feel the disappointment that this was our last child and it wasn't a boy, it's a third healthy girl, who did a complete flip and showed us again that she wasn't playing. Elliott tried to lighten my self pity because I promised him he could say "told you so" and he did. He and Amelia knew the entire time it was a girl. The sono tech (a very sweet lady we've come to know over the years) gave me a hug when Elliott and the girls left, telling how lucky we were and that what I was feeling was natural. I know, and I wasn't upset she was a girl! I'm used to girls, I love my girls. I was just disappointed that our little boy would never be.

After we left I really just let go, the kind of cry that gives you the upset gasps. I felt bad. She couldn't help that she was a girl, and I loved her already anyway so why did her gender make a difference? It didn't, I was just changing my dream and its a painful thing to do. Then Elliott told me her name, which I can't tell because I have been sworn to double pinky swear secrecy, and then I knew this was meant to be, and I was fine.

I had thought back on it and I had prayed that God would know my heart and give me the type of babe that would complete our family. I feared that if the baby was a boy I might subconsciously favor him or treat him differently than the girls. Because every pregnancy I thought they were boys. I really wouldn't know what to do with a boy anyway!! Then yesterday I went to kiss the girls before I left for work, and their round sleeping faces gleamed from the hall light and I knew I had been truly blessed to say that I have three daughters. I have three little girls that adore their daddy and look up to me (well, the third will one day). How can I feel anything but happy and overjoyed? Then everything was extremely right with the world and I left behind the dream of a blue baby forever and started dreaming of prom dresses and hair do's, lunch dates at the mall, and just hanging out with these three beautiful little girls who I assume will grow into beautiful young women.

Elliott is over the moon because he knows he will never be short on admirers and that he knows how to take care of girls. He looked at me in the car sideways and said, "there is going to be yarn everywhere..." He's right, these little girls are going to be amazing yarn artists if I have anything to say about it! I am so thankful for the three healthy children Go has blessed me with and I can't wait to learn how to French braid finally. But first, I have to find the perfect blanket to make for her! :-)

Thursday, February 6, 2014

You Just Cannot

I'm a religious person, not outwardly so. I cuss, though I never take the Lord's name in vain. I try not to be a gossip or talk bad about people and above all else, I definitely try not to judge people. Sometimes God gives you something that just smacks you right in the face and you can't ignore it.

The other day we were eating dinner or lunch, I can't remember which now, and Alyssa was handing me her cup telling me, "I 'ant more." The cup was clearly full from the looks and I had just refilled it. I told her she could have more when she was done. She told me she wanted more ketchup. No, you already have some on your plate. She then repeated these demands. I was losing this battle because she wasn't listening. I finally told her,

"You cannot have more when you already have enough."

I stopped in my tracks. This is the answer to life! We cannot keep searching for more stuff when we already have enough, we cannot have more love when we already have enough. Life is enough. How can you have more than you have at this moment when what you have is enough in this moment? The answer is, you cannot have more when you already have enough.

And then I cried a little, but I cry a little at everything these days. God never gives us more than we can handle and I believe that's true in all things, happiness, grief, anger, joy, love, etc. So why is it we constantly looking into the future to see a better existence when the answers we're looking for are in front of us. Our enough is enough.

I can't pretend that I don't so these things, I'm a "if this, than that..." Type of person. But when I said that to Alyssa my eyes opened and my heart felt lifted. These girls are enough, this bean inside me is enough, Elliott is enough, my life is enough, I do not need more.

And who could truly ask for more? These guys are pretty amazing (Elliott included). I'm so incredibly lucky and in love with my life and with Elliott. We've built this "enough" together and it's taken me this long to grasp how meaningful it actually is. I love these girls who are so well behaved and listen for the most part, but they are only 4 and 2 (almost). I could not ask for more.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Betcha Didn't Know...

The Tree is expecting a new apple! This one should be here around July, and as far as I know there is only one in there even though I feel huge for 16 weeks. It was rather unexpected and unplanned, I had started my new job on November 5th and on November 10th I realized my nervous stomach wasn't a nervous stomach at all, it was a pregnancy hormone stomach. I worked on that Saturday and Elliott brought me breakfast, after I ate it I knew that feeling. I fretted the rest of my shift and made a trip to the dollar store, bought some tests and a bottle of water. When I got home I snuck to the bathroom and secretly took the test. My best friend, also pregnant, was the first to know because she had been teasing me that I was pregnant. Oh how I denied it all! The line showed up pretty faint at first and then a little darker. Crap. Elliott was outside taking laundry down and I rushed outside to tell him without the girls around. "How do you feel about a July baby?" I asked. The bucket slunk on his shoulder, "are you serious?" I nodded and showed him the test and burst into tears. This wasn't what we had planned and it hit is like a blast of cold air.
We spent the next few days not really talking about anything because we were both in shock. I accepted it pretty quick because what can you do but embrace it? He needed a kick in the butt a little, I reminded him that I needed his support just as much as I was trying to support him and he turned around after that. The weeks have flown by though and we play fight about the gender, he says girl I say boy, same as we always say, except this time I really think its a boy. I don't feel anything like I did with my girls! But we'll be finding out come the end of February, and either gender we'll be happy as long as its healthy! The girls say its a boy too and I keep dreaming about it.

Work is going good! I get to crochet when not busy helping customers, which I thoroughly enjoy because once I get home it's rare if I have the energy to much more than cook and clean up after cooking, bathe the girls and throw them and myself into bed. I forgot what it looks like after 9:30pm and if I'm adventurous enough to start watching a show/tv I hardly ever make it more than 15 minutes.

I started a new project for my pregnant best friend who is happily expecting a girl! I hope she likes the colors I picked out, I didn't intend for them to look so Valentine-y. I'm using Baby Love Brand's Chevron 2.0 pattern . It's totally work the money to buy this amazing pattern, which isn't even that expensive to buy. This will be my third version of this blanket, the first one I made for my cousin's baby and the other was a boy version I did with left over neon yarn from Amelia's blanket. One of the best things about the pattern is its super fast and easy!

I have so many things to talk about in all aspects but I think I'll leave those behind and move forward because I tend to ramble anyway and I would feel like I missed something and try to dredge up more memories about things and ramble more. If that makes any sense! The girls are excellent. Alyssa will be 2 in two-ish months and I'm more ok with it than I was with her turning one, but getting older is something no one can help. She's talking in long sentences and is such a crack up! And very stubborn. I think she'll be keeping her copper locks but I just wish her hair would grow!

Amelia's hair is finally growing and she already needs another hair cut, she just had one last month, it's mostly her bangs though. She's mouthy and opinionated like most soon-to-be four year olds I guess. She's pretty special though, she takes good care of her sister and herself. She's been doing a really good job keeping her room clean, yesterday I couldn't find her so I called her, asked her what she was doing and she said she was cleaning her room. When I asked why she said because it was messy! She definitely gets that from her daddy, thank goodness!

Speaking of daddy... Look at this guy! He bought the girls bibs, Amelia doesn't care for them because they're not girly enough but Alyssa loves them and they both look adorable in them. He bakes cupcakes with them occasionally and he brings some up to my work to share. The house is always clean now because of him, and I love coming home to have lunch withy favorite people. I miss him everyday I'm at work and I can't look at my pictures on my phone because it makes me want to run out the door and speed home. Lately I've had to stay late at work because we're short handed and I don't mind, but it cuts our already short time together to next to nothing. We have a new hire coming in February so it shouldn't be for too much longer!

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

All Words

Many, many things have changed in the last few months, only one I'm ready to talk about:

Halloween day, Amelia went with Elliott's parents and had a day out with them, then Elliott needed to run some errands. God was directing us this day, I guarantee it. I needed to make a deposit at my bank and Elliott suggested we stop at a different branch. I agreed. There was a sign up for a position that was open and I got my hopes up a little. I worked at this particular bank before Amelia was born so I knew the job. Then I saw the hours. 645a-12p!


It was perfect. I got an application and then started to second guess it all. Do I take the job if its offered to me? Will they take me back? What about the girls? Can Elliott wake up with the girls since he works second shift? What about grocery shopping? But the money would be nice...

Then Elliott talked me into it and I got super excited about all of it. I emailed the HR lady and told her I was applying, turned in my application that day too. They called me the next morning and offered me an interview for that same day. I went in and talked to the manager and the HR lady and was home within an hour. My mom was there having watched the girls and had put them down for naps. So we crocheted together and talked about how awesome it would be, but it would be ok if I didn't get it.

I looked at my phone to check the time and it began to ring. It was them! They offered me the job! Then more defeating thoughts; what if they don't like me? What if I can't remember how to do this? What about the girls? What about our family time? Elliott, all the while, being extremely supportive.

I started work on the 5th of November and was doing transaction that day, and was in my own station the third day. There are things I remember and then there are things I have to ask for help with, but I'm only human and that was almost four years ago. And I love it. I miss the girls and Elliott, and Amelia has begged me on more than one occasion to not go to work tomorrow. It's hard some days but others it's like we've been doing this forever, and none of this would work if Elliott wasn't as amazing as he is. He has settled into his role as super dad pretty comfortably and the girls are mostly behaved for him,
Amelia more than Alyssa. But still I miss them more than I let on sometimes. They get to do all kinds of fun things now that we have some extra income. I wish I could join them but it's nice that they get to bond.

I had forgotten what it's like to be an adult, to wear real clothes and jewelry, to have adult conversations with other adults who I didn't meet at a playgroup. (Don't get me wrong, I love my mommy friends!) But these are women I didn't meet with kids attached to our hips, fighting over toys and someone going to open the closed door for the nth time. I struggled with how to be a grown up for the first few weeks but I think I finally figured it out. Maybe. I still get made fun of for it, all in jest though.

Life is in a new groove and it feels right, but sometimes I definitely miss the way it was. Don't we all miss the things we leave behind?

Monday, October 14, 2013

Long Time No See

I was looking for something the other day, a pattern to a project I once did and was hoping to do again. I looked for it on my trusty blog, and there it was right where I thought it would be. Then I began to look back at older posts. I miss blogging. I also miss that it was my own little yearbook of what was going on, what Amelia looked like, what Alyssa looked like. So I think I'll kick myself in the butt and kick off again. I just haven't had the energy to do it lately but doesn't mean I don't think about it.

With two little rambunctious girls its easy to see where my energies go. Now that Alyssa is talking and has a mind of her own there are more fights and timeouts than I care to admit. But they do love each other.

Whenever Alyssa gets something before Amelia does she always asks for one for her big sister. It's the cutest thing. Amelia will go to preschool in the spring I think and I'm not sure how poor Alyssa will far without her. Though, now when Alyssa is an only child for a few hours here and there she's golden and sweet, hardly without fussing. But that's only for a few hours.

But they are both amazing little people and I can't get over how wonderful they are, mostly. Somedays I just want to rip my hair out and hide in the bathroom with the doors locked, other days I watch them sleep because I miss them.

Anyway, I've been doing a ton of crafting. I designed this hat for my aunt who is a breast cancer survivor.

I even taught myself to knit. I mean I've known how to do the garter stitch but I could never grasp more than that. Some ladies through Instagram suggested continental style knitting and practice. One day the purl stitch just clicked in my head, then everything else made sense to me too! I felt like a flood of knowledge knocked open the block I had about knitting and my confidence for knitting is as strong as my crochet one... Almost anyway.

I crochet some things for my cousin's new baby due in December.

The shower was on the 5th of this month. I finished the blanket in early September and punished myself and finished the hat in the parking lot of where the shower was held.

Finished a quilt for my nephew a week before the birthday party. I meander quilted it and I absolutely love how it turned out. And there have been other crafts too, a ton more but I don't want to overwhelm anyone, least of all myself with trying to tell you all of them.

I do want to talk briefly on Mabel, our female corgi. Mabel had something called IVDD or Intervertebral disc disease. It was one of the scariest things I've ever experienced. One day she was perfectly normal, then the next day something was wrong and got worse as the day wore on. She couldn't control her back legs at first and couldn't jump on the couch when we called her and almost fell down the stairs. Then the next day she lost all function in her back legs. We called the emergency vet and they told us to bring her in. I feared the worse and that they would have to put her down, but thank goodness that wasn't the case at all. It's very common in corgis and other low laying dogs. The emergency vet guessed it was IVDD even before the MRI and told us she would have to have surgery to fix her back.
The next day they did the MRI and found exactly what they thought they would find. She had surgery and spent some time at in the care of the nurses and doctors.

We visited her while she was there and she was on some pain killers, if you can't tell by her eyes. The doctor said she was doing better than most dogs do when they get this, which made me happy. All the nurses loved Mabel, and I'm not surprised, Mabel is a very likable and friendly dog, she's everyone's friend!

Tonka was very happy to have is sister home. As were the girls, Amelia kept asking what happened to Mabel's back and I can't tell you how many times we had to explain it.

I treated Mabel extra special and let her lay in bed with me once while she took a nap.

And today she is doing much better, she walks mostly normal and can still run but more hoping like a rabbit rather than a corgi, and she's accepting her new limitations; no climbing the stairs, jumping furniture, not crawling under the bed, jumping up on people, or sitting up to beg for treats. But she doesn't mind being carried up and down the stairs or having her back rubbed when she looks like her back is bothering her. Her fur is starting to grow back, I just hope most of it comes back before it gets really cold out. The people at our emergency vet were amazing and didn't mind that we called before we went to bed to see how she was doing and first thing in the morning. She was my first baby, what can I say? We're all so thrilled her story ended so happily.

I'm sure she's happy about it too.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

P.C.P part III

Good lovely day to you! I hope you are having a wonderful day, we've had a busy week so far filled with appointments and running around of the town. I have a something to show you!

I don't remember if I mentioned this project before. It's actually way old, I started it last year sometime so long ago I don't even remember when it was started. But it was for Amelia. I know when I first started it I told her it was for her but over time she forgot and I stopped reminding her. I was finally able to pick it back up and finish it.

After I was determined to finish it for her it didn't take all that long. I worked on it at nap times and after the girls went to bed. At nap when Amelia would wake up she would tell me how much she loved the blanket and ask who it was for, the only answer I gave was it was or someone very special. She got really concerned when I bought some new yarn for a new blanket for Alyssa, she sweetly asked when I was going to make a blanket for her. How awful can a mommy feel when her little girl thinks that she would make all this neat stuff for others and not her. And by the way, Amelia has tremendous faith in the fact that I can make anything. Everyday she comes up with something new to add to her list of "mommy, make this for me," I'm up to a mermaid tail, a purse, several princess dresses, a cat possibly two cats actually, and other odds and ends. It's flattering and daunting at the same time, and I hope she always keeps that faith in me.

She loves blankets anyway, not like Alyssa does though, Amelia is my animal baby and Alyssa is the blanket baby. Amelia is constantly stealing my blanket and dragging it around the house and hiding under it.

The closer I got to the end the closer I got to spilling the beans. I'm not very good at keeping secrets of things that I'm making for anyone. I love to make things for others and I love to make others happy. When it was all finished I put it in a bag and gave it to her like a present because, well, it was a present!

She has this weird lack of showing emotion she gets from her dad. She's a serious little girl that sometimes borders on painful! Haha! She was such a serious baby too, she would look at you like you were an idiot if you tried a new thing to make her laugh. She was so serious in fact she didn't do a lot of talking or babbling and being a first time mom I didn't worry about it because I didn't know about it, but comparing the way Alyssa babbles to the way Amelia didn't is mind blowing. Though when Amelia finally did start talking it was still in the normal time range but it was still a relief. Sorry, didn't mean to get sidetracked.

She was excited, don't get me wrong, but there wasn't the fanfare I was imagining and I should have known better thank get my hopes up.

There was the immediate wrapping and twirling around in it. Pulling it over her head and laying down on it.

She even brought her coloring book over and lay down on it, I think that was my favorite part.

She sleeps with it everyday now and I love that she loves it. I have grandiose visions of her using this blanket forever. Taking it alongside her for sleep overs, summer camps and trips, the blanket she needs to watch movies on movie nights, when she goes to college her roommate will ask her where she got that awesome blanket and Amelia will say that her amazing mom made it for her years ago, and then the roommate will be jealous. I had a lot of time to think about the lifetime of this blanket while I was working on it!

But I'm glad it's finished and being loved. It's a huge blanket, it's as long as mine but this one is wider. It's 60x81", I made it giant on purpose because I wanted her to grow into it or if she wanted to cuddle with me or Elliott under it it would be big enough for everyone to use.

It's Lucy's pattern. Except I did my own edging, To straighten out the ripples, on the top of the blanket I worked sc, ch 2, sc in the corner, 2 sc, 2 hdc, 2 dc, dc2tog, 2 dc, 2 hdc, 4 sc, 2 hdc… So on across to the next corner. The dc2tog should fall on the two decreases of the previous/last row. Then sc, ch 2, sc in the corner and sc down the side to the bottom/chain row. Bottom corner: dc, ch 2, dc, 2 dc, 2 hdc, 4 sc, 2 hdc, 2 dc, dc2tog… The dc2tog should fall on the increases from the first row. This will “straighten” out the ripples but I recommend doing more rounds on the border to make it look straighter, and work two dc, ch 2, two dc in the corners with each additional row. I think I will add one more row of gray just to close it all in. It's super soft and cuddly and most importantly, Amelia adores it.

P.s. In case you were curious, I used Hobby Lobby's I Love This Yarn in graybeard and the neons in green, blue, orange, and fuchsia. Washes amazingly!