Many, many things have changed in the last few months, only one I'm ready to talk about:
Halloween day, Amelia went with Elliott's parents and had a day out with them, then Elliott needed to run some errands. God was directing us this day, I guarantee it. I needed to make a deposit at my bank and Elliott suggested we stop at a different branch. I agreed. There was a sign up for a position that was open and I got my hopes up a little. I worked at this particular bank before Amelia was born so I knew the job. Then I saw the hours. 645a-12p!
It was perfect. I got an application and then started to second guess it all. Do I take the job if its offered to me? Will they take me back? What about the girls? Can Elliott wake up with the girls since he works second shift? What about grocery shopping? But the money would be nice...
Then Elliott talked me into it and I got super excited about all of it. I emailed the HR lady and told her I was applying, turned in my application that day too. They called me the next morning and offered me an interview for that same day. I went in and talked to the manager and the HR lady and was home within an hour. My mom was there having watched the girls and had put them down for naps. So we crocheted together and talked about how awesome it would be, but it would be ok if I didn't get it.
I looked at my phone to check the time and it began to ring. It was them! They offered me the job! Then more defeating thoughts; what if they don't like me? What if I can't remember how to do this? What about the girls? What about our family time? Elliott, all the while, being extremely supportive.
I started work on the 5th of November and was doing transaction that day, and was in my own station the third day. There are things I remember and then there are things I have to ask for help with, but I'm only human and that was almost four years ago. And I love it. I miss the girls and Elliott, and Amelia has begged me on more than one occasion to not go to work tomorrow. It's hard some days but others it's like we've been doing this forever, and none of this would work if Elliott wasn't as amazing as he is. He has settled into his role as super dad pretty comfortably and the girls are mostly behaved for him,
Amelia more than Alyssa. But still I miss them more than I let on sometimes. They get to do all kinds of fun things now that we have some extra income. I wish I could join them but it's nice that they get to bond.
I had forgotten what it's like to be an adult, to wear real clothes and jewelry, to have adult conversations with other adults who I didn't meet at a playgroup. (Don't get me wrong, I love my mommy friends!) But these are women I didn't meet with kids attached to our hips, fighting over toys and someone going to open the closed door for the nth time. I struggled with how to be a grown up for the first few weeks but I think I finally figured it out. Maybe. I still get made fun of for it, all in jest though.
Life is in a new groove and it feels right, but sometimes I definitely miss the way it was. Don't we all miss the things we leave behind?